Waiting, A Time of Learning

I shared a post on Instagram the other day about waiting. I’m gonna share it below to help put the rest of what I’m about to write into context.
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I feel like this (the verse in the image above) is the anthem of my life, and let me confess to you…I’m not very good at being patient 😕 I am practicing and improving as the years go on though, so that’s something! 😁

I find myself continually in a place where I am practicing contentment and trying to be patient as I wait for the next thing in life my heart is desiring. A few years ago this waiting was in regards to being married. I longed to be a wife and enjoy the companionship of my handsome hubby. I even got to the point in waiting where I told the Lord, “If this isn’t the person you have for me let this relationship dissolve and plant a new desire in my heart”. As you know I am now happily married to that same wonderful man and wouldn’t change a thing. I learned a lot about myself in the waiting and it allowed me to prepare for the sacrifices that love and marriage would and has required of me.

Today that desire waiting to be fulfilled is motherhood. I have actually had “baby fever” for several years but recently that desire has been aching at my heart. I love kids, they are seriously the best humans in the world! They are smart, funny, so genuine, and love in such an unconditional way. It’s amazing to me. I feel like I’ve always been a mom at heart even from a young age, as I would care for and teach my baby dolls as if they were real babies 🙈

I am learning in this time of waiting (we aren’t quite ready for babies just yet as a couple and that’s ok, cause when we are ready it’s gonna be amazing) that I should be enjoying all the freedoms that life without kids offers. I usually stay occupied by taking great care of my hubby and our dog! However since it’s been just me and the dog, I miss taking care of another human. I know I am just missing my hubby and that is totally understandable! Plus I have several friends that will be having adorable babies soon, and I have so many friends who allow me to pour into and love on their kiddos!! I have truly been blessed in the season of waiting with some amazing women and kiddos to share life with while my hubby is away!! Thank you all for your love and support and indulging my baby fever!! #waiting #pactience #confession

I know this may seem like a totally new topic, but trust me there is a connection.

 

This past week my heart was a bit heavy. It’s been 4 years now since my Grandma Linda passed away from cancer. She was an amazing, feisty, strong willed, and wise woman. I learned so very much from her. She taught me during my waiting that being married is a job you must take seriously. It means taking care of and meeting the needs of your partner, sometimes even when you don’t feel like it. I think the most memorable thing she said to me during this time is, “There might be days you wake up and you might not be able to stand anything about your husband. Just the fact that he exists might be irritating; know that loving someone is a choice, not a feeling.” I can’t guarantee that those are the exact words she used, but it’s pretty close, or at least the best I can remember. The point is loving is a choice we must choose daily!

Then one day in our second year of marriage, everything my hubby did irritated me to no end and I realized what my grandma meant! I was short with him and when he asked why, I remember responding, “I’m not really sure but just the fact that you exist today is irritating.” I know that sounds terrible, but it was true. I just woke up “on the wrong side of the bed” so to speak and felt irritated at the world, and my husband, and the dog, for no other reason than I was in an irritable mood. I took a little time to myself, then apologized to my wonderful hubby and made sure he knew I love him so very much. I was just feeling funky and I was taking it out on him. That day what my grandma had said to me really clicked.

She was such a wise woman and I am so thankful for all the time I had with her. As I mentioned above, she passed away from cancer. She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a few years prior, and I prayed that she would get well. That the Lord who can do all things, would heal her of the cancer. In this season of waiting for an answer, something was growing heavy on my heart. While I was praying, I just told God, “I know you are the healer; that all things are possible with you! I want you to know that, even if you don’t give me what I want. Even if my thought of healing isn’t the thing that happens, it doesn’t change how I feel about You. I know You’re still good and You still love me!”  I know that may seem crazy to some, but this wasn’t the first grandparent I had prayed to be healed of a terminal illness.

My grandma Mary passed away of Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS) in 2000. My Grandpa Bill passed away from bone cancer in 2010.  I prayed and prayed for them to be healed. But I believe there are two kinds of healing: the earthly healing and the heavenly healing. Earthly healing, when you are healed and get to have a personal testimony to share with others. Heavenly healing, where you receive the ultimate healing of no more sickness and no more pain in eternity with the Lord.

I have a personal relationship with the Lord, and through that I have learned that God is faithful. He has always kept me safe and protected me from harm. He has healed me! So I know that even if my prayers aren’t answered the way I want, that He’s still good and His love for me is true.

I guess the whole point of this is that I’ve learned that my ways, wants and desires for my life and what affects my life aren’t always what God has in mind, and I have learned that Gods plans for me are always more/better than anything I imagined for myself.  If you read my post Everything I Dreamed and More, you know what I’m talking about.

I have learned in every season of waiting, to remind myself and the Lord, that even if I don’t get what I want, that I know His plans for me are good. I will still love Him even if I don’t get the things I feel so strongly in my heart. So even if my grandparents passed away, which they did. Even if I didn’t get to be married, which I did. Even if I don’t get to be a mom. That I know His plans for me are better than I can imagine and that I just need some help finding a new dream, if that’s the case.

I heard a song on K-LOVE the other day and it completely took me back to that feeling of crying out to God for what I wanted. Healing, a husband, Motherhood, and knowing that even if I don’t get what I want. God is my Hope and He has done so many good things for me and through me in my lifetime, that this one thing won’t keep me from loving Him! The song is called Even If,by MercyMe. The chorus is my favorite

“I know You’re able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt

Would all go away if You’d just say the word

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone”

Just know that waiting is never easy. However in my experience it is always a learning experience that is preparing you for what’s to come!!

 

Thank you for sharing in my journey! If you are interested in receiving my blog posts in your inbox (I don’t post a lot, mostly just when I have sessions and if inspiration or life compels me), scroll down and click the follow button.

~Hannah

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There’s nothing good about goodbye…

Personally I think it’s a terrible name…cause good is definitely not how you feel when you say bye. I prefer “see you soon”.
You are probably wondering…. “what brought that on?” Well, I have just embarked on the longest see you soon I’ve had to do since my hubby and I got married in 2015. It’s his turn to go out and protect our country and I am beyond proud of him for his passion and commitment to his job!
I know this time apart will pass quickly, because I have such a wonderful family and great support system/family/friends here in Jacksonville. The Lord knew just where I needed to be during this time and even though when we moved here I wasn’t thrilled, I am so very thankful now. I have been blessed with an amazing church and church family to serve with here. I have awesome friends who are so encouraging and supportive; who are already opening up their arms to spend time with me and keep me occupied while the hubby is away. Not gonna lie, I’m kind of excited for some of the new activities I’ll hopefully get to do, like babysit some really awesome and cute kiddos.
I have also been immensely blessed with my photography business here and my It Works business ( I realize I haven’t actually shared that with you guys here yet. I’ll post an update soon) as well!
I am looking forward to my mother’s day minis coming up in may, and I recently had an opportunity open to me for doing some real estate photography as well!
I have been clinging to this verse for a while now, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NLT)
This year, while having it’s challenges, will be so amazing. I know it might seem a little crazy, but this is my year to thrive. I can just feel it! The Lord has been so faithful and opened so many doors for me here, and I want to honor Him by doing my very best!
Something I remind myself of daily is this, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6, 7 NLT)
This promise is true, because I have been at peace about this long “see you soon” for a while now. Not that I won’t be missing my hubby, cause of course I will. I know some days will be hard and I will cry, other days will be easy….and I will be counting down the days till I get to see him again!
I would appreciate any prayers and encouragement you’d like to send my way this year!
Thank you for sharing in my journey! If you are interested in receiving my blog posts in your inbox (I don’t post a lot, mostly just when I have sessions and if inspiration or life compels me), scroll down and click the follow button.
~Hannah

Here are some of my favorite memories we’ve shared during our 2 years of marriage so far, and can’t wait to make so many more memories when you return!

3 Tips to Enjoying this Holiday Season!

I’m a fall baby, so I enjoy most everything about this time of year, the leaves changing, the weather, the cute layered clothing, and all the delicious food!

We all have an image of what the holidays look like, in our mind or an actual picture!

Thanksgiving, aPear Photography, Jacksonville Photographer

Dinning Room Thanksgiving ’13 at my parents house. 

The image to the right will forever be my minds image of Thanksgiving. For the past 25 years we have had Thanksgiving at my parents house. It’s my mom’s favorite holiday, or it seems to be. I am pretty sure it’s because I was born on Thanksgiving way back in ’88.

This Holiday season will be different for though. It will be my first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a married woman!  It will also be my first Thanksgiving to be held at my house… my parents are headed into town for an early Thanksgiving, this week actually!

We don’t get to see all our family for Thanksgiving, but we will be going back home during Christmas to see everyone, and we can’t wait!

I love the holidays but lets be honest, they can make us a little stressed. All the people coming over, cleaning everything, celebrating family, eating all the delicious food, these are just some of the things you will experience. So here are a few tips to help you enjoy it a little more this year!

3 tips on how to relax and enjoy this holiday season. 

  1. Do something for you. Even if this means simply getting a coffee, taking time to read that book, or watching a movie.
  2. Cherish your family and friends, for we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Remember this is a special time to share with the people we love and we might not always have this opportunity.
  3. Be good to yourself. Make sure to eat well, drink plenty of fluids, and get some rest. I know, I know, that seems like a no brainer, but we get in a hurry and sometimes we put our bodies last.
    • Food give us energy (the right kinds of foods)
    • As it gets colder and there is less moisture in the air it’s important that your body get enough water!
    • Rest makes us nice! Plus it helps your immune system stay strong.

I am sure there’s a lot more I could say, but I’m gonna keep it sweet and simple!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy putting up the Christmas tree (if like me, you don’t like it up till after Thanksgiving).