Photo credit to our awesome wedding photography Melissa
My husband and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. We did it, we survived our first year, and I can’t wait for a lifetime more of sharing life with him! He is my partner in crime. He gets me when I’m feeling crazy, silly, weird, or obnoxious (those last couple were his words 😊). He always knows how to make me laugh even if I’m upset. He is so very supportive and encouraging. I love every minute of our life. We aren’t perfect but we love each other through our problems and work hard to be the best we can for each other. Marriage is hard work, you love, you get hurt, you forgive, but it is completely worth it!
Here are a few things, I try to put into practice in our marriage, that have been so good for us. These things have helped us get through some problems and hurts, so I thought I’d share them with you guys! Plus, they help make an awesome husband, marriage, and you!
Focus on what you love and tell him.
I want to say this is something we do to each other often! Making each other feel appreciated by simply saying, “I am so glad you are part of my life because you are so _________.” Fill in the blank, kind, understanding, helpful, generous, thoughtful, loving, funny, encouraging, handsome! I know it makes me feel awesome when I get texts like that from him! You may be saying but I don’t get those kinds of texts….well, then be the one to start them!
I read a book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and he talks a lot about filling up your spouse’s love tank. When your love tank is full you naturally give love back, but when it’s empty we can pull away from each other. So fill his love tank daily!
This will go a long way! We all like respect and when you give respect you get it in return. Do you see the theme here?
Do it even when you feel he might not deserve it, cause if we are honest with ourselves we don’t always deserve the things we are given. Did you know when you give respect when it feels the hardest or least deserved the other person knows it and starts acting in a way to earn the respect you’re giving.
For instance, my husband tells me how awesome of a wife I am, even though I can be difficult, stubborn, irrational, and moody. When he says that, ya it makes me feel good, but my mind goes back to times I’m not awesome, which makes me want to work harder at being a good wife. You see what I mean.
Care for Him; Be Thoughtful
I know you’re thinking, of course, I love my husband…..But do you care for him, not just about him?
I try really hard to remember things he likes to eat and pick them up on my grocery store trips. You see, he like Twizzlers, pop tarts, pizza rolls, and cookies, so I try to use any extra food money we have to pick those things up for him, without being asked. You should see the look on his face when we talk about what I bought at the store for our food and I say pizza rolls, he gets pretty excited.
It doesn’t have to be food related but most of my examples are. I use to get really frustrated that he didn’t make time to put a lunch together for his next day at work, he’s a grown man…then one day I decided to try and make his lunches for him. So when I make dinner, I try to make sure to put a meal portion in a container for him to take. He works hard all day, and it doesn’t take but 5 minutes maybe less to just make it for him, so he can relax and enjoy being off work, and we can enjoy each other.
Ask Him on Dates
I know this might sound silly, but do it. Send him a text, leave him a note, or ask in person, but he will like that you initiated a date with him. I asked mine out on a date last week, “Oh and I wanted to see if you’d check your calendar to see if you can go on a date with me on Saturday evening…. I was thinking dinner and a movie.” I tend to pick the movies a lot so I made sure he knew that it was his choice.
You have to keep the romance alive and it’s so important that he knows you still want to go out with him, that staying in love is important to you! Cause we all know a date is where this all started in the first place, even if it wasn’t super romantic. This also helps you connect with him, by doing something he wants to do. You are present and giving each other your time, which is so important to growing together in your marriage.
Let Him Win
I don’t know about you but my personality can get the best of me, I like to be right. This is not a great quality, I admit, and I’ve been working very hard this past year to keep in mind what’s important. What I mean by that is, I don’t always have to be right…..I know, it’s been hard for me too. For the sake of our marriage and my love for my husband, I have been learning when to be wrong.
We moved into our first home back in March, went to decorate, and what he thought was evenly hung on the wall, wasn’t (in my opinion). We ended up bickering about if a picture was “straight” or not to the point of frustration on both parts. He went down to get a level, which we didn’t have, and I was standing in my “office” room feeling a little flustered that he didn’t just trust me… Well, then it hit me, we were upset about a picture, seriously! We had both been doing things our own way for a while, him 6 years and I 8, so we liked things our own way. I decided it wasn’t worth being upset over, so when he came back, adjusted the picture and asked if it was even, I said yes.
Sometimes what “feels” like a big deal, really isn’t, and we have to remember to pick our battles. I try to think of it like this when I feel myself getting upset over something, is it really that important, usually the answer is no.
I know I said five, but this one is so important! Forgive even when it’s hard, even if it hurts. You are going to hurt each other, not necessarily on purpose, but it will happen, so forgive.
It won’t happen immediately on the inside of you, but it should happen verbally before bed, the day of. Forgiving someone is a process. You have to speak it, step1. Pray for it, step 2. Forget it, step 3. Verbally speak forgiveness over them and the issue. Pray that God will help heal your heart from the hurt, cause this is truly the only way it will go away. We are human and for some reason we can always remember every wrong thing someone has done to us, but when you pray that God helps you to forgive by healing your heart, ask Him to help you forget. Then stop thinking about it. If it comes to your mind, remind yourself you’ve forgiven it, that it doesn’t have control over you and won’t define your marriage. It’s a “you” thing, plus forgiving someone even when you don’t feel they deserve it, is really for you. So you can move along and enjoy the wonderful life you are building together.
Marriage is hard work people, and hard work isn’t always fun!
I know these things don’t seem like a lot, but they can make a huge difference when it comes to your marriage. Plus, when done and continued will develop not only an awesome husband but an awesome marriage!
There are a few scriptures I like that relate, the first two I have written down and posted next to the bathroom mirror and I tend to look at them in the mornings when I brush my teeth.
“And the Lord God said, “It is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a companion, who will help him.” Genesis 2:18
“Reverence for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him – to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband.” 1 Peter 3:1-6
“and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].” Ephesians 5:33b (Amplified Bible)
A great related topic, posted by joyforney.org “20 Things Every Married Woman Needs To Know”. I read it the other day and I was really inspired!
Here is another great read by familyshare.com “10 seemingly ordinary things that can make your marriage awesome”.
Here’s to being awesome wives, who help develop awesome husbands and marriages in 2016!